The moment you realise to seek help
Have you ever had the feeling that everything is not quite alright? Yes, everything. Nothing seems right at all!
No matter what you’re doing, thinking, or feeling… nothing seems right and you feel like you’re about to scream but nothing comes out. This is when I think of the Chinese saying… well, in Cantonese to be precise, it’s the saying that goes like this: “吃不好, 睡不着, 坐不安” translating directly, it would mean: “Can’t eat well, can’t sleep well, can’t sit still” it means that that “something is off” but you can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what it is. On the outside, nothing looks seriously wrong but on the inside of you, you just feel that nothing is right either! That feeling that gets you turning and awake in bed at night and you can’t seem to just get things in order and can’t seem to move in the direction that you want.
This is when you need to reach out for help. But to whom? You don’t want to talk to your friends because what if they think you’re “looser”? Not to your siblings, parents, or spouse, because you don’t want them to think that something is seriously wrong and cause them concerns. You don’t want to talk to a psychologist or counsellors, gees, it’s not that serious! But if you don’t talk about it, how are you going to get out of this gut-turning, twisting kind of feeling…? …Ah…How about a coach? A mentor or someone you can talk to who understands what you’re going through and help point you in the right direction(s) like a mentor that you have at work, wouldn’t be great to have a “Life Mentor” instead of a mentor just for work? Well, as it turns out, there is such a person and they are called Life Coaches! Life Coaching is precisely what you need.
What is Coaching?
Coaching is a process of supporting and guiding individuals or teams to gain clarity to achieve specific personal or professional goals. It is client-centred and yet involves a collaborative approach where a trained life coach helps the coachee, you, (the person being coached) to first, and foremost, gains clarity and then set actionable objectives, and develop strategies to reach your desired goals and aim for the outcome each step of the way, while assisting in utilizing your strengths to achieve the best outcome and at the same time help you identify and being aware of the areas of weaknesses so that you can get the support you need to improve on them to achieve all your aspirations.
The Coach works with the Coachee to develop action plans, set objectives, and overcome obstacles in pursuit of those goals. The primary purpose of coaching is to unlock the individual’s or team’s potential and facilitate growth and development.
Coaches assist their clients in various areas of life, such as personal growth, health and well-being, career development, leadership skills, relationship improvement, and more.
You can see the different categories of coaching services and select the one that best suits your situation here.
The Process
The coaching process involves active listening, asking powerful questions, and providing constructive feedback to help clients identify their strengths, values, and areas for improvement.
One thing to keep in mind at all times is that coaching is an empowered model and not a “fixing” model, such as you only go to see a doctor when something is wrong or you have fallen sick before you seek medical help to fix the problem you are having. Whereas, Coaching is more of a proactive approach where you know that you would like things to be better and you proactively take action to achieve the results and outcomes you want.
So, therefore, the one crucial element here is Action!
Only when you take action can you drive results.
Furthermore, when you take intentional actions with specific intentions, you achieve specific results and that is the benefit of working with a coach.
You see, the action builds momentum, which drives results and is the main success element in coaching and the area of Personal Development.
Another key element of coaching is the establishment of a supportive and trusting relationship between the Coach and the Coachee, as this allows for open communication, feedback, and accountability, which are essential for making progress, growth, and achieving the set goals and desired outcomes.
The role of a coach is not to provide direct solutions or advice but rather to facilitate the client’s self-discovery and help you unlock your potential.
Coaches help clients overcome obstacles, stay motivated, and create realistic action plans to move towards their goals. The coaching relationship is usually time-bound, with specific milestones and regular check-ins to track progress and growth.
Coaching can be applied in various contexts, such as general life coaching, or specifically career coaching, relationship coaching, sports coaching, executive coaching, health and fitness coaching, and more as mentioned above. The techniques and methodologies used by each coach may vary based on the specific field the Coach is trained on, and the individual’s needs.
It’s important to distinguish coaching from consultation, mentoring, and/or healing and therapy. Coaching is focused on the present and future, emphasizing personal development and goal attainment, and moving forward. It is a very proactive approach with a goal-driven focus and actions to be taken by the Coachee for the desired results to be achieved.
For example, you might be speaking English as your second language and you’re doing okay. You can get by but people sometimes find it challenging to understand you fully but they nod and smile anyway, especially in business networking events. I mean, let’s face it. We all want to appear respectful and want to treat everyone equally, right? And so everyone carries on.
However, somehow, deep inside, you know they are not fully understanding you and you wish you could articulate your thoughts and express them better each time you speak English.
On the outside, you have the title, you have the experience and the knowledge for your expertise, but on the inside, you’re a little concerned and worried, and that eats up your confidence level each time something is not articulated fully.
This is when you think, I need to improve my English speaking skills. This is when your proactive mindset kicks into the driver’s seat and you go searching, looking for the expert to help you Speak English Better.
Unlike the passive or “fixing” model, where you leave it until disaster strikes like an emergency happens then you scream for help but the person on the other end of the call doesn’t quite comprehend what you say to help you effectively. You don’t want to wait until then to scream: “Have me!” instead of saying “Help me!” to avoid such situations you rather be proactive and seek tips and strategies to help you speak English better and faster so that you can move forward and be able to speak better and achieving more instead of staying in the same position.
This is when you enrol in a special class that is designed for professionals who focus on achieving results faster than the conventional English class just like Guilly did.
What Coaching Can Do
Coaching can help turn an entrepreneur into a great leader when the Coachee takes ownership in taking the required actions each step of the way to grow. The Coach is there as a guide but the Coachee is the one who’s in the driver’s seat when it comes to acting to achieve the set goals. The Coach can only do so much, just as I shared in my book, you have the best teacher in the world right there in the classroom teaching, but if the student is not willing to learn then no results can be shown and so, it is crucial that the Coachee takes ownership, have an open mindset, and be willing to guidance and take actions. Ultimately, be Coachjable to achieve your ultimate goals.
The Difference Between Coaching, Consulting, and Mentoring
Consulting, on the other hand, provides that much-needed expertise and assistance in a more specific area. A consultant is usually a subject matter expert who provides technical and professional advice to clients based on their significant understanding, knowledge and experience of specific fields, it’s more like how a doctor diagnoses what’s wrong and offers their expert opinion and offer their knowledge, experience, and expertise to address the situation.
Mentoring involves a more experienced individual guiding someone with less experience in a particular narrowed field with a specific subject area and is usually seen as the mentor is older in chronological age or position in seniority.
A Coach, however, can cover a broad range of subject areas or different fields of work and can be younger in chronological age than the Coachee. This is because Life Coaching in general is not bound to specific subject areas of study but is mainly to help clients find their clarity and answers, and assists them in understanding how to move forward in achieving their goals by taking responsibility and ownership of their journey to grow personally and professionally in their chosen areas of for achievements. Coaching is predominantly all about the mindset and thinking about the thinking, as in the term Metacognition in teaching and learning as mentioned in my book.
Therapy, Counselling, and Healing
Therapy, Counselling, and Healing, on the other hand, deal with addressing wounds, traumas and events that require addressing the wounds and closures, and usually resolving psychological issues which require closures of the past wounds, hurts, and traumas to move forward it for example, you might have some stress and pain that you may like to remove so that you can be at ease to carry on every day. This is where energy healing can come in to help you to get out of pain and stress, even “without needing the modern medications which sometimes, could bring about the toxic side effects” as offered by one such healer.
“Stress causes pain and can wreak havoc on your body, and so, I help by moving your energy around to get rid of negative energy and infuse positive energy, and cleaning up your auric energy field” said Wendy Webber.
Some healers use other modalities such as Crystal Healing by Anne-Marie Polack or Reiki Healing by Sherry McQueen.
Overall, coaching is focused on moving forward, present and future-oriented and a powerful approach for personal and professional development, empowering individuals and teams to reach their full potential and attain success in various aspects of their lives.
Some Additional Key Aspects
Coaching is a special kind of resource and a valuable tool for personal and professional development, helping individuals maximize their potential and achieve meaningful and sustainable growth in various aspects of life.
Clarity and Goal Setting: Coaches help individuals clarify their values, strengths, and aspirations. They assist in setting specific and achievable goals, providing a clear roadmap for personal or professional development.
Enhanced Self-Awareness: Through introspective questioning and reflection, coaching helps individuals gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and patterns. Increased self-awareness leads to better decision-making and self-management.
Improved Performance: Coaching supports individuals in identifying and addressing performance gaps. By enhancing skills, knowledge, and confidence, individuals can improve their performance and productivity.
Skill Development: Coaches provide targeted feedback and guidance to help individuals develop new skills and competencies. This can be particularly beneficial for leadership, communication, time management, and problem-solving skills.
Increased Confidence: As individuals make progress and achieve their goals, their self-confidence and self-esteem naturally improve. This positive reinforcement can lead to greater success in various areas of life.
Overcoming Obstacles: Coaches assist individuals in identifying and overcoming obstacles and challenges that may be hindering their progress. They help clients build resilience and navigate through difficult situations.
Accountability: Coaching establishes a sense of accountability and commitment. Coaches act as objective allies who hold individuals responsible for taking action and following through on their plans.
Work-Life Balance: Coaching can help individuals create a more balanced approach to life, managing responsibilities and priorities effectively, and reducing stress and burnout.
Improved Relationships: Coaches often address communication and interpersonal skills, leading to better relationships with colleagues, friends, family, and romantic partners.
Adaptation to Change: Coaching equips individuals with coping strategies and adaptability skills, enabling them to navigate and embrace changes more effectively.
Leadership Development: Coaches work with leaders to enhance their leadership style, emotional intelligence, and decision-making capabilities, resulting in more effective leadership.
Support during Transitions: Coaches provide valuable support during significant life transitions, such as career changes, relocation, or major life events.
Vision and Strategy: Coaches assist individuals in developing a clear vision and strategic plan for their personal or professional future, helping them align their actions with their long-term objectives.
Greater Happiness and Fulfillment: Through personal growth and goal achievement, coaching can lead to increased overall life satisfaction and a greater sense of fulfilment.
Effective coaches are trained professionals with expertise in coaching techniques, communication, and human behaviour. They may hold certifications from different reputable coaching organizations and adhere to ethical guidelines. However, most importantly, commonly, they have had life experiences where they have gone through the journey of self-transformations and sometimes even more than once. It is with real-life experience they have that made them more insightful coaches.
There are various types of coaching tailored to different areas of life and professions. As mentioned earlier, some common types include life coaching, career coaching, executive coaching, business coaching, health coaching, sports coaching, and relationship coaching. Each type of coaching focuses on specific goals and challenges relevant to the coachee’s chosen area to home in and achieve the specific desired goals one at a time.
Coaching Procedure: The coaching process typically begins with an initial session, where the coach and coachee establish a coaching agreement, define goals, and set expectations for the coaching relationship. During subsequent sessions, the coach engages in active listening, asks thought-provoking questions, and uses various coaching techniques to help the coachee gain insights, generate solutions, and make decisions.
Strengths-Based Approach: Coaching often follows a strengths-based approach, where the Coach helps the Coachee identify and leverage their existing strengths, skills, and resources to achieve their objectives. This approach focuses on building on the Coachee’s existing capabilities rather than fixing weaknesses, such as How to Lead Your Profitable Business With Confidence by George Naugle.
Goal Setting and Action Planning: Coaches assist Coachees in setting clear, achievable, and measurable goals. They help Coachees break down these goals into smaller, actionable steps and develop concrete plans to reach them. Regular accountability and progress tracking are integral to coaching success like How To Create a Healthy and Predictable Business with Raving Fans
Confidentiality and Trust: Chris Salem who teaches the Speaker Business Influencer Program to Boost your Business and Brand course, is known as the Trusted Advisor, who helps speakers to get more speaking gigs and is excellent at building relationships that are built on trust and confidentiality. Coachees should feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, challenges, and aspirations with the Coach, knowing that their discussions will remain private and judgment-free. Usually, Coaches may have an agreement for the Coachees to sign before working together. This is to keep both parties aware of each other’s responsibilities and accountabilities.
Non-Directive Approach: Coaches typically adopt a non-directive approach, refraining from providing directive kind of advice, solving problems for the Coachees, or imposing their own beliefs upon the Coaches. Instead, they empower Coachees to find their solutions, act as a guide facilitator and/or trainer at times to assist in fostering self-awareness and self-reliance, and mainly provide scaffolding wherever needed.
Duration and Frequency: The coaching process, frequency and length can vary depending on the Coachee’s goals and needs as well as the style of coaching the Coach does. Some coaching engagements could be a once-off session, some may last for a few sessions, while others might span several months and up to one year, it all depends on your goal and desired outcome which can be discussed with the Coach. The frequency of sessions also depends on the coaching arrangement, ranging from multiple sessions per week, weekly to bi-monthly and monthly meetings.
Benefits of Coaching: Coaching can have numerous benefits, including increased self-awareness, improved decision-making, enhanced communication and interpersonal skills, better time management, greater motivation, and increased confidence, and transform your life to becoming the new version of yourself.
Feedback and Evaluation: Throughout the coaching process, coaches provide constructive feedback and evaluation to help Coaches refine their strategies and overcome challenges. Evaluating progress towards the defined goals is essential to measure the coaching’s effectiveness throughout the process.
The benefits of coaching are multifaceted and can positively impact various aspects of an individual’s life, fostering growth, and facilitating positive change.
It is often confused with mentoring or counselling, but coaching differs in its focus on the coachee’s specific goals and challenges, rather than providing advice or addressing deeper emotional issues.
I am Linda Tomai Duong, the #1 International Bestselling Author of the book, Connection – The Currency to Happiness, Executive Coach at Link Coaching, and Founder of 3Hearts & Coachjable. Some people call me Dr. Linda Duong as I have been awarded an Honorary Doctorate in Education (Honoris Causa), as I was nominated by Dr. Pandey. But mainly I am known for these two nicknames; The Queen of Hearts because of the transformed lives that happened in our 3Hearts Connection Global community, and The Girl Who Has Achieved the Unimaginable because I was able to Embrace Adversity and Turn it Into Your Super Power, as I was born at the end of the Vietnam War with minimum resources and came to Sydney, Australia without a word of English and yet I have managed to achieve every single dream I have thus far. Hence, everything I do now is for the greater good of all – helping others to achieve their dreams.